I Love Me, I Think? 

Self-love is everywhere. It’s in Instagram captions, therapy memes and TikToks featuring iced matcha lattes and voiceovers that whisper, “Romanticize your life.” 

But for many young people, loving yourself isn’t a constant — it’s a question. Some days it’s loud and confident. Other days it’s shaky, awkward and half-believed. For the younger generations who have grown up with social media at their fingertips, it can be difficult to adopt the self-love mantra while also trying not to compare themselves to the millions of people posting. Self-love often exists in the in-between.  

The Pressure to Love Yourself (All the Time) 

Social media has made self-love look easy. It’s candles, skincare and solo dates. It’s writing in a gratitude journal while the “Chill Vibes” playlist plays softly in the background.  

But behind the scenes? Things are messier. 

Self-love often feels tied to productivity, appearance or success. If the grades are good, the skin is clear or the content goes viral, confidence follows. But when any of that drops, it’s easy to feel like the love disappears, too. 

“I feel like I only love myself when I’m achieving something,” says Talia, a 17-year-old high school student from Scarborough, Ont. “If I’m doing well in school or people are hyping me up, I feel good. But if I fail or I’m not posting anything, I don’t feel like I’m enough.” 

It’s a pattern many know well: linking self-worth to performance, not personhood. 

Is It Self-Love or Just a Good Angle? 

There’s also a difference between looking confident and feeling worthy. A lot of people can post a hot selfie and still spiral after. Social media rewards the aesthetic of self-love, but not always the inner work that builds it. 

“I can post something that makes me look confident and happy, but in real life I might be totally insecure that day,” says Malik, a 20-year-old first-year university student in Mississauga. “People commenting on my pictures or responding to my stories, I feel like, also confuses the whole self-love thing. It’s almost like a placebo effect. If I get a certain amount of likes, that means other people love me, and that means I love myself too, right? It’s like, the algorithm loves self-love, but I’m still figuring out how to mean it.” 

For many, self-love feels like a performance that hasn’t fully landed. And that’s okay. Not loving every part of yourself all the time doesn’t make the journey invalid — it makes it human. 

Self-Love That Isn’t Perfect Still Counts 

The truth is self-love isn’t a straight line. It’s not about always liking what you see or feeling good 24/7. It’s about treating yourself with compassion even on the days when you don’t. 

“I’m learning that self-love isn’t just about confidence,” says Rayna, a 22-year-old bartender in downtown Toronto. “It’s about not being mean to myself when I’m struggling. It’s quiet. It’s messy. But it’s mine.” 

Whether it comes through affirmations, therapy, journalling or just surviving the day — self-love doesn’t need to be loud to be real. It also doesn’t have to come at a certain age. Self-love can come years into your life, maybe after you’ve discovered the things you like, after you’ve travelled alone or maybe it comes from looking at yourself in the mirror for five hours a day.  

Let It Be a Work-in-Progress 

Self-love isn’t a finish line. It’s a relationship — with all the highs, lows, and awkward growing pains that come with it. Some days it’s soft. Some days it’s sarcastic. Some days it looks like a playlist, a nap or checking your Instagram story likes at 2 a.m. 

Whatever it looks like, it’s valid. Even with a question mark at the end.